In My Heart
by Neru
Summary: Confession sometimes isn't that hard, and beautiful words create such a perfect illusion... It gets worse, when this illusion begins to crack.
1. When I saw you

Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion isn't mine.  
  
IN MY HEART  
  
1: When I saw you there  
  
It could be a usual day, painfully resembling yesterday and all the days before. Sometimes it is not possible to free yourself from routine which gives you boring, but always, safety.  
Shinji wasn't the kind of person that would risk anything just to color his grey life a little.  
  
The boy slowly opened his eyes. Still the reassuring whiteness of one familiar ceiling. From behind the wall hung with posters, he was reached by the subdued sounds of his mother's striving in kitchen. As he could guess, father was completing the ritual of morning newspaper. The clock was ticking suddenly too slowly and Shinji barely noticed that he was falling in warmth of sleep again.  
  
"Wake up, baka!!!"  
  
Shinji gulped and sighed in the one moment. The red-haired typhoon named Asuka, his charming, wonderful childhood friend was just now hitting and jerking his head. She couldn't resist the great privilage of kicking and abusing him.  
  
"Alright, I'm coming. Just. Stop. It. Please."  
  
Asuka snickered. The disgusted look on her face told him too clearly 'You are so pathetic'.  
  
It was Shinji's turn to snicker.  
  
"Back at you," he muttered.  
  
"You gotta hurry up, moron."  
  
"You're just too nice."  
  
Asuka made a face as he absently wondered, searching through some clothes. Murmuring something like 'Ah, boys' she handed him pants, shirt and packed maths school-book between moments.  
  
"Acting like newlyweds, huh?" asked Yui merrily, cramming into the room.  
  
"Hi, mum," greeted her Shinji monotonously.  
  
"What does that kind of face mean?"  
  
"I have just kicked his ass a bit," explained the girl with a wide smile.  
  
"Enjoy yourself," cut her the boy and entered the kitchen.  
  
"Today is a big day," sang Asuka while running through the crossing on the red light.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"A new student is transferring to our class. His name is Rei Ayanami."  
  
"And why because of that?"  
  
"Aww, he could be the man of my dreams! A quiet, cool guy with a damn good-looking face and his deep eyes revealing his true self only to me. He could sit near me, too. Isn't it romantic?" she squeaked.  
  
"Weren't you hanging out with Kaji? Or is your heart truly given to Yuki? Which declaration should I pick?" replied Shinji in question.  
  
"I'm only speculating. Damnit, hurry!"  
  
They literally rushed, pushing to right and left all people standing in way. One woman set her mouth into a thin line after being punched by Ikari. "Young people nowadays..."  
  
Shinji knew it was too late to brake. A girl running from the corner widened her eyes. Geez.  
  
CRASH!  
  
The boy landed on his face. Swearing under his breath, he slowly got on his knees. Then he finally could see the other partaker of this small collision.  
  
It was a girl, about his age, with quite short fair hair and a bit strange, almost crimson eyes. The school uniform she was wearing was the kind that was used in his school. How come he didn't notice her before?  
  
It suddenly came to him that he was staring at rather intimate part of her body. She blushed furiously and straightened her skirt.  
  
"Pervert!" Without wasting any time, she slapped him on the face. Asuka stood there, merely staring, with malicious grin spread over her face.  
  
"Don't you dare look at my panties!" She turned and started to run, heading towards the school.  
  
"Y'know, it's not only my opinion that you're sick pervert," hummed Langley.  
  
"I feel like killing someone."  
  
"I have to say, that little bitch has character."  
  
That situation was so typical. But what was going to happen, it definitely wasn't the kind of everyday schedule.  
  
They weren't late at all. Everyone sat in the class but it was obvious that the sweet teacher hadn't arrived yet. One of her mottos seemed to be "Time is a relative notion".  
  
"Here she comes!" shouted Kensuke pulling his head out from the window.  
  
Miss Misato gracefully got out of the car, slamming the door. She took off a pair of elegant sunglasses and gave the male part of the class hanging from the window a brilliant smile.  
  
"She's a genius," muttered Toji with wide charming (at least in his opinion) grin.  
  
"Hiya, guys. Let's get rid of the books. It's time for something far better. Relations between people will learn you more than any school book. Haven't I just said something intelligent? Ok, let me introduce you two new students. A cute girl and cool guy. Rei, Kaworu, come please."  
  
In the front of the blackboard approached two teenagers, shyly smiling. Natural reaction-they could be as well loud and annoying.  
  
"My name is Kaworu Nagisa. Pleased to meet you," murmured the boy.  
  
"Hi, I'm Rei Ayanami. I think we can get along," the girl bowed slightly.  
  
One of the chairs was violently pushed away. Asuka stood there, infuriated and almost shivering because of that. She cleared her throat.  
  
"Just WHAT did you say?!" she cried furiously. "You can't be a girl!"  
  
The class was surprised. People accused each other about various things, but finding someone's fault in attachment to one's gender was odd.  
  
"I assure you, that I am a girl. Really. I can show you," she declared in harsh tone.  
  
"Fine. Right here and now, go," teased Asuka.  
  
Katsuragi's eyes widened a little.  
  
"Interesting proposition but maybe not now. It's not the best timing," she emphasized.  
  
"Oh my God. It's that pervert who stared at my panties!" yelled Rei, pointing directly at Shinji.  
  
"Well, well. I wasn't prepared for that," hummed Toji.  
  
"It wasn't me that studied girls' gym lesson," whispered Kensuke.  
  
"Show me someone who didn't and it will be your success," shot back Toji.  
  
"Scheisse. Mein Gott, ich wusste," grumbled Langley.  
  
"Asuka, don't babble in German. You're confusing us," demanded Misato.  
  
"You can't stand it when someone is more intelligent than you?" sniggered the girl, yet frantic from her crumbled illusion about handsome stranger. Rei is a name for both genders, somehow she forgot.  
  
"You will regret this," hissed the teacher.  
  
Meanwhile Suzuhara and Aida were trying to accustom Kaworu with new classmates. Unexpectedly, Rei calmly came to Shinji's desk and eyed him coolly.  
  
"Show me the school. As a way of begging pardon."  
  
"Such a babe asking me a favor. It can only happen in my dreams," gibbered Kensuke gloomily.  
  
Asuka seemed staggered. Not being the center of attention did not fit her at all. Besides, that was the matter of Shinji's attention.  
  
Shinji and his new colleague wandered around the complex. Rei was quite bored- the school looked ordinary. Added to the fact of Shinji being extremely shy with newly-met people- they were both bored.  
  
"You know, let's go get some ice-creams. There isn't much to see here," proposed Ikari finally. Now or never.  
  
"It's my first day and I'm already running off."  
  
Ikari shrugged.  
  
"If it's on Misato's lesson, it will be alright."  
  
They went by the empty class' window and landed on green, spring grass. Light, colorful flowers made a sweet picture. Gazing at the blue sky and fluffy little clouds, Ayanami lie down  
  
"It's better than food."  
  
In total agreement, they enjoyed the view. From a near window, absently staring at an unknown object or looking at nothing, Kaworu Nagisa dreamed away. Of the moment he saw these eyes, so different from other he knew. He was sure that this memory he would count as one of few very special ones.  
  
"When I saw you there..."  
  
TBC. 


	2. Escaping from the harder way

IN MY HEART  
  
2: Escaping from the harder way.  
  
Shinji shook his head. No, no, no. Not appropriate. Had he overslept? But, on the other hand, if there was no need to worry, why did he care? He continued his steadfast gaze on the wall.  
  
The simple, white, stupid wall.  
  
He couldn't deceive himself. Through the past lessons he stared dreamily at the new, transferred guy. What the heck was going on? Maybe he had an intuition. Something told him to stare. Kaworu may be dangerous, and it might be safer to keep him at a distance.  
  
...nonsense. Nagisa looked sympathetic, a possible good friend.  
  
Try to think logically, he commanded. You've barely known this guy for two days. You have never spoke to him. Never crushed with him in the hall. Never even said even "hello". So why are you watching him, with bated breath, thinking how pretty he is?!  
  
"What does it mean?" asked Shinji in husky voice.  
  
It can mean nothing, if you want to, said the voice in his head. Do like the common sense demands. Try to be interested with Ayanami.  
  
"Deine Zauber binden wieder, was die Mode streng geteilt. Alle Menschen werden Bruder, wo dein sanfter flugel weilt," someone sang the 'Ode to Joy' melody just lovely, in a warm, soothing voice. But what...  
  
"Asuka? What happened with her voice?" Shinji burst with laughter.  
  
"What's so funny?" someone asked. The humming stopped.  
  
Ikari faced Kaworu who seemed to appear from the corner. In a moment of terrifying realization, his mind said clearly: "Damn it!!"  
  
Instead of that, he smiled faintly and greeted the boy.  
  
"Hi, Kaworu-kun, er, Nagisa-kun..." Grin.  
  
"Kaworu is fine. I haven't seen you... oh, wait, you are in my class! Sorry, I'm not good with remembering faces." Nagisa tried to restrain his voce from trembling.  
  
Shit, that was unfortunate and idiotic. What an obvious lie! This boy's face was far too well engraved in... saying the truth, in everything about Kaworu.  
  
Shinji didn't display any emotion on that. Maybe he thought that remembering him would be rather curious.  
  
He was just he kind of person you pass by, eventually look at, then go and forget him immediately and forever. No one known got a deeper look in those sad eyes. Shinji himself didn't know why he wasn't happy.  
  
Whereas, he had a family, friends...or so-called friends. He would call that a friendship because of lack of better word, but in fact it was far less than the real one.  
  
He hadn't got a girlfriend. He supposed he was too boring, uninteresting and didn't have a sufficiently pretty face. But of course he wanted to have the girl to love her.  
  
Despite that, Shinji's heart beat the fastest when he saw Kaworu.  
  
This couldn't mean anything. He gasped. He couldn't get more ridiculous.  
  
"It's okay. So, was it you who sang?"  
  
"Yes. It's a violation of the melody but I can't suppress this urge. I love singing even when I do it totally out of tune. I always do." Nagisa grimaced and faked a nostalgic smile.  
  
"You're nice..."  
  
"Well, do you say that to everyone just after a few-minute conversation?" The boy seemed to be disappointed. Only that?  
  
"Sometimes I don't say it at all."  
  
"Man, she's kinda hot! But know this, stubborn too. I mean, she's secluding herself. That's my impression," chattered Toji. The end of his opinion was led by the dreamy smile.  
  
Kensuke's face stayed still. He put his glasses straight and hummed.  
  
"Mister I-Know-Everything-The-Best let's hear what's your image of our sweet blue haired friend," teased Suzuhara.  
  
"I give up. I can only repeat after you."  
  
"I can't believe he just said that! Kensuke-kun, congratulations. I assume that in your instance those words declare affection. We've moved one step forward." Toji clapped his hands and bowed irrationally.  
  
"What do you suggest?! That I'm not straight!?" He waved his hands in funny indignation.  
  
"No, of course you're normal. I wouldn't accuse you of being homo, guy." Suzuhara laughed with a rather disgusted look.  
  
For Ikari, it wasn't so funny. He couldn't clear it, but it was a perfect embodiment of something he started to fear about. He pondered it, but the answer wasn't the one he wanted though he'd expected.  
  
Something wasn't in order, surely. He was a perfectly normal, teenage boy, maybe a little shy with girls. He didn't show affection to many girls he liked. For example...Oh, there were truly many of them.  
  
So why the hell he couldn't recall any secret admiration or something?! There were only images of his male friends. But he didn't even think of them like that. Only animals were left over, he thought sickeningly.  
  
He'd preferably and joyfully poison and decapitate the one who made this mess at once. Who was pretty, witty and...  
  
Maybe just this mess was already deep inside of him? And he denied its presence.  
  
"And it could as well sleep there 'til the end of time..."  
  
But it wouldn't. Because he came.  
  
TBC. 


	3. Steps closer, steps back

Big thanks to Wind Rose, Hideki Omega and Anubuss! I really appreciate your reviews!  
  
IN MY HEART  
  
3: Steps closer, steps back  
  
"You're not speaking to me. Are you mad about something?" asked Kaworu finally.  
  
He wondered and decided to ask that for about two days. Conversation from that time chased after him all the time and he didn't even notice when his mind couldn't stop being full of Ikari. He tried to halt it but it only made things worse. He was to think and dream about girls. Not handsome classmates.  
Ok, it was useless. He couldn't stay it, although it was happening.  
  
"Maybe I'm straight, and he's an exception."  
  
Yeah, right. He was aware of the fact that he always liked only boys. He had never admired any girl.  
  
Stop. Thinking!  
  
"No, I am not. I just was in bad mood lately. Sorry."  
  
"Oh."  
  
The awkward silence fell between them.  
  
"Oh," repeated Nagisa and made a quick decision. "So we must take you out of your bad mood. How 'bout ice-cream?" he asked and pretended to look self-confident.  
  
Shinji's eyes widened.  
  
"Bad move," ran through Kaworu's mind.  
  
"Fine," he smiled.  
  
Ikari was shocked. He was talking... a lot.  
  
He couldn't recall a conversation in which he would talk that much. They were ordinary remarks, funny things or simple but pleasant silence. Shinji didn't feel judged and it was so good to speak with someone so freely.  
  
He believed his character was like that and being silent was the part of his nature, but with Kaworu it was different. Someone had found the things he said interesting. His parents always listened to him, but they were family. It was great to gain the newly met person's attention. Maybe they could become friends. To be near him...  
  
Holy shit!  
  
Now, that was not proper. This way leads to nothing. Once again: try not to think about it. Convince yourself you're wrong. And if you aren't? "Kaworu..." he began uneasily. What now? 'Hey, y'know, do you feel like you're crushing on me? Because I do.'  
Wait. I'm not having a crush on him. I don't. I don't.  
  
I do.  
  
"Heeey!" they heard a loud shout, and the silhouettes of Toji and Kensuke neared them.  
  
"Shinji, are you finally saying 'hello' to our new guy? I'm proud of you. Finding sufficient courage to face the person you met a few days ago... We've moved one step forward." Toji face was decorated with an extra-wide merry smirk.  
  
"I've heard that somewhere," Kensuke gnashed his teeth.  
  
"Well, actually I was going home now. Time for me to go. Bye Kaworu, and, um, thank you!"  
  
Shinji smiled shyly, and turned back before they could react, so they didn't see his blush. He rushed and as an afterthought, he turned again and waved to them.  
  
"Was it meant to be rude?" asked Nagisa.  
  
"Of course not. That's just his way. He's too shy and he doubts his worth," remarked Aida thoughtfully with a dangerous gleam in his eyes.  
  
"But he talks a lot. Shy people don't act like that," Kaworu hesitated.  
  
Toji and Kensuke exchanged surprised glances. Toji stared at him with shock.  
  
"It must be a misunderstanding. Shinji hardly ever speaks. Unbelievable. Someone just called Ikari a chatterbox. Man, a day of wonders." Both were quite sure that he tried to fool them. Muttering something in excuse, Kaworu said them goodbye and walked off to his home.  
  
Watching the calm, silent display of shadows playing with the trees and his own image, he pondered many things.  
  
Why did Shinji talk with him so freely? "Is it because I'm special? In what way? Why? Or is it just my impression?"  
  
Anyway, it was a good omen. Shinji showed interest in him. According to Toji's words, it could be a big display of trust or emotions.  
  
"Ok, Toji said we've moved one step forward. Now I'll say that it's time to take another step."  
  
4: When it doesn't mean anything  
  
Easy to say, more difficult to do. Kaworu wondered what exactly he was to do. Not to go too fast, but to get to know Shinji's real feelings... if there were any feelings at all.  
  
"Hey, you. Shinji, I'm talking to you! My parents went out tonight but they exploded when I proposed to stay at home alone. In that case, I'll have to sleep with you!" exclaimed Asuka, sufficiently loudly for everyone to hear. By chance, this time she didn't do it on purpose. She even wasn't aware of how loud she said that.  
  
"Oooooh," went everybody.  
  
"I mean, no," she blushed a really nice shade of crimson, "at your place, not with you, exactly, in another room, of course in one, no, not in your bed, I mean-"  
  
The shade of red went even deeper than it was possible. Everyone burst out with laughter.  
  
"Asuka, you're fast! And you're better, Shinji-kun? Just when did you seduce her? How many nights did you spend together? You should be careful..."  
  
"Shin-chan! Your eyes are like shining stars, I can drown in them forevermore..." Toji imitated Asuka's voice, making it more squeaky.  
  
"It's cute! Why didn't you tell me? You're in love! Oh, it's so beautiful!"  
  
"Congratulations, really, but I'd have preferred live yaoi..." muttered Hikari and blushed.  
  
"I think you're getting it wrong," Shinji rolled his eyes.  
  
"There is no smoke without fire, Shinji-chan, darling," Kensuke licked his lips with double meaning suggestion.  
  
CRACK!  
  
"What? Enlighten me, would you please?" declared Miss Misato with a smirk, squeezing into the classroom, obviously late.  
  
"Ikari and Soryu are sleeping together!" sang Toji hastily.  
  
Katsuragi stopped immediately. Her look wandered from side to side.  
  
"It was today's Big News."  
  
"I-I believe you..." giggled Misato.  
  
"HEY. LISTEN TO ME," began Asuka angrily, standing up and overturning the chair. "I have never slept with him," she pointed at Shinji, who sighed with relief, "and I'm not going to. Understood?"  
  
Everyone nodded in polite agreement. It was better not to argue with an annoyed Asuka. That was the safest way for one's physical health.  
  
"I only kissed with him twice," added the girl, maybe too sincerely. "It was fun."  
  
Extra-wide eyes and jaws were everywhere. They knew that the case of sleeping together was a joke, rather a bad one, but actually no one took it seriously, whereas this declaration was true.  
  
Shinji and Asuka. Who'd think of it.  
  
It was time to begin with laughs of disbelief, shock, congratulations, questions, teasing and sighing over the newly-born sweet class romance. Everyone was too busy to notice that Kaworu left.  
  
So. It was all over. What does it mean, one conversation, compared to kissing? Nagisa supposed that Shinji didn't kiss everyone just then and there. No, in that matter, a kiss would be a proof of an emotion a lot deeper and more serious. Of course, Ikari had feelings for that girl. How could he ever dream that Shinji would be interested in a boy? He'd laugh him in face, maybe even told him off and left. Who knows.  
  
"Hey, it isn't unfair just because he's straight. Not like me..."  
  
For every man of sense, it would be a sign to give up, admit he's unwelcome. But for Kaworu, it was time to get to know him more.  
  
He was about to think over some plan, when he heard steps and running.  
  
"Wait, Kaworu! Why didn't you wait? We were to walk back together," said Ikari quietly, catching his breath after a tiresome rush.  
  
"Sorry. I forgot."  
  
"Well, from now on, don't forget."  
  
Nagisa wasn't able to start an argument about anything. This look in Shinji's eyes, it said directly about some kind of warmth, gentleness, and even a promise of understanding.  
  
"I want you to understand. Don't be mad at me about anything, ok? Because for me it's important. I won't ever hurt you."  
  
"Why would I think about such a thing?" He chewed on his lip.  
  
"It might sound stupid but I see it in your eyes."  
  
God, you sound like total, romantic idiot, are you aware of that? his mind told him.  
  
"I-"  
  
"SHINJI!"  
  
Kaworu swore soundlessly as he saw vaguely Sohryu running to them. The last thing that was now needed.  
  
"Shinji, you left without a word, just to skip from me for the sake of this guy, again. I am truly worried. If you two weren't boys I would think that you have a crush." She rolled her eyes and then winked.  
  
Shinji with a very un-Shinji-like smirk, wrapped his arm around Kaworu's neck, pulled him closer and asked, in challenging way: "And what if we have?"  
  
"Then take me too. We'll make a little triangle."  
  
They both laughed and Kaworu forced himself to do so as well. He was too pleasantly disturbed by Ikari's close touch to giggle freely.  
  
"Baka, you promised me that you'd show me that new film. We have time now, so would you ple-ase?" begged Asuka.  
  
"Don't toady. I'm merciless," he grumbled in answer.  
  
"Oh, come on, it'll be our first triangle date!"  
  
"If you insist. But remember that my parents...argh, they left. We'll be all alone," said Shinji shivering in foreboding at the girl's evil grin.  
  
"Be careful. I have a strange idea."  
  
TBC. 


	4. Beyond All

IN MY HEART  
  
5: Beyond All Do You Feel The Same?  
  
"Enough," moaned Shinji and Kaworu.  
  
"Maybe that competition wasn't really clever. Now I come to think of it, that it was stupid," hiccupped Asuka, toying with an empty can of beer. She tumbled her head over the table and moaned.  
  
Kaworu turned on the film and rewound it to the moment they stopped watching because of Sohryu's challenge: "Who has the strongest head? Let's get drunk for the first time!"  
  
Now they barely stood on their legs. Inevitably the consciousness was drifting away. Speaking of common sense, it was deserted long time ago.  
  
"Ok, it'll pass. Let's make a second competition in order to get out of the first one's results," suggested Asuka with blank expression.  
  
"Not bad. Just do something," agreed Kaworu dreamily. Ikari just nodded.  
  
"Who does kiss the best?"  
  
"No problem," mumbled Shinji and before the other boy could react he pressed his lips to Kaworu's. He was obviously surprised, but the great dose of beer was way too effective.  
  
Asuka merely gazed at entwined figures, kissing almost wildly. Her senses were weakened, but this image she understood far too clearly.  
  
"Hey guys... Shinji, you weren't joking at that time? You two really have an affair!" she stammered. Nagisa at once pushed Shinji away. "Are you crazy?!"  
  
In the same moment Ikari grinned and said blurrily, "Of course we have."  
  
Now that was confusing.  
  
They blinked at each other; A fair blush started to cover their cheeks.  
  
"Well, if Kaworu wants to. But I see he doesn't."  
  
"I didn't mean it," muttered Nagisa. In respond he got something he didn't expect.  
  
"Hehe. You're sometimes so damn cute. I just want to eat you with chocolate sauce. I fear to say that, but I think that maybe I could be actually in love with you. Hehe. Don't mind me. I'm totally drunk. I've known you a short time and it's so unusual. I wanna kiss ya again."  
  
Shinji bubbled something else but nobody understood. Asuka and Kaworu were shocked in spite of their drunkenness, and it was impossible to tell who was more startled.  
  
"Lucky," sighed Shinji when he noticed parents left a message on the phone, saying that they would be out for about few days. He eyed the mess in the room, beer and Asuka hanging from the couch. Kaworu was cuddled to the floor and he couldn't suppress the smile seeing that cute, calm expression on his face.  
  
He stared and knew it was stupid of him. He believed he wouldn't have enough courage to tell Kaworu what he feels, however pathetic it might be, hopeless and idiotic, it was true.  
  
'I'm such a coward and maybe I could help it but I can't because I'm a coward.'  
  
He decided it was no use to debate it all over again.  
  
"I need to talk with you," said a sleepy, but categorical, voice. Asuka, with firm look, grabbed his hand and threw him out.  
  
"I could wonder and hesitate about it, but that's a final proof. You are the most hopeless idiot I know."  
  
Her finger stung his chest and she looked very serious, as well as outraged.  
  
"I always thought that one is meant to seek for happiness. That one wants acceptation, care and love, whatever. And thus, he welcomes all indications of it. So why the hell are you avoiding and shutting yourself from what makes you feel good? What you like is top priority, what your love is should be the most important for you. Isn't that obvious?" she burst, taking a breath.  
  
"Not always," he smiled sadly.  
  
"STOP IT!" she cried with fury and slapped him by impulse. "Why are you distressing yourself?! Stop being so damn melodramatic! Stop hesitating, stop crying over yourself! It's so... so... masochistic, you know!"  
  
Shinji just stood unmoving, trying not to show how much it thrilled him. He needed so much time to come to these conclusions, and he was almost forced to understand. Asuka simply shouted him in face all the things he feared to suggest.  
  
"So what?"  
  
"You are getting me down. Go tell Kaworu all the business. Finally!" she yelled.  
  
"Wanna... sleep..." mumbled Kaworu absently, and muffled his adorable sleepy face in his arms. He tried to make himself comfortable again but someone brought him to sitting position without any excuse.  
  
"Nah, get up. I'm going to tell you the toady's Big News. And I admit it will be really Big."  
  
Nagisa waved his hands and blinked, looking wistfully at the place he'd been sleeping at.  
  
"I'm not really conscious but you can try."  
  
"I love you."  
  
"Oh. I love you too."  
  
Silence.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Are... are you serious?" asked Kaworu carefully.  
  
"I'm not sure of course, but I've never felt like that before. I just want to be with you and..." Shinji faltered in his speech.  
  
"I understand perfectly," said Nagisa and gently stroked Ikari's face to prove how he felt. Then, he retreated, not sure if he didn't go too far.  
  
"But may I ask you about something? Don't you mind what people will say?" Shinji avoided the eye contact, 'cause that was rather keen in his opinion... like being accused of being totally abnormal, freaky and perverted.  
  
"Frankly? I say, fuck their opinion."  
  
Now, that was going to be hard. Shinji was frightened, nervous and it went only worse minute by minute. His hands were shaking and he was aware of how hopeless it looked.  
  
He had to face his parents.  
  
He imagined their disgusted faces, furious father and sad mother. They would push him away, they... Stop.  
  
Cowards acted like cowards, and he hadn't have to do it. To tell his parents and bear their lack of acceptance. Kaworu would understand.  
  
It was unfair, using the boy's affection to escape from reality and protect himself from the consequences. But... no. There isn't any 'but' anymore. You're avoiding results of your doings and the fault is yours alone.  
  
He didn't care much. Later days brought to him new feelings, abilities, and sudden but intense and true in this intensity.  
  
And the person who would change his life forever.  
  
Kaworu Nagisa, in essence, was in perfect collection of himself and Shinji Ikari in the same.  
  
Not perfect, easy or sure. As long as it was their choice, everything was going to be fine. As long as they engrave their emotions in each other's hearts.  
  
At least, so the things seemed to Shinji, overjoyed by how easily went confession, that his feelings were not one-sided... But beautiful words are still only words and they don't mean much when it comes to facing hardships of life... TBC.  
  
Thank you for reviews! I really appreciated it, especially Cyber-Undead's remarks... I'll remember it while writing next chapters. I'm sorry if this one still had some mistakes, I wrote this about three months ago... But now I'll try to do it better. 


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